It's stupid

I really hate Grammar Nazis. I know some who feel the need to exert their moral superiority over you by pointing out when you make a small mistake in English grammar. One of the mistakes that people harp on, thinking it makes you retarded is the it's v. its.

Typing "it's" in a sentence like "we are taking its place" is pretty logical. When you want to show possession you put an apostrophe. The dog's bowl. Smith's car. But we also use apostrophes for contractions like don't and can't. So when I am typing along and I think that I want to assign the pronoun "it" as possessive, I would do the logical thing and put in an apostrophe. ZO NOES, now you look retarded. Well fuck you. Nobody thinks "dog's" is a contraction for "dog is" but it just kind of gets fucked. Really, we should stop being so lazy with contractions anyway and just always have to spell out "it is" and leave "it's" to be possessive like everything else.

English has a lot of stupid, arbitrary distinctions. If I do what I think is logical because I am typing and thinking quickly, it doesn't make me dumber than you because you remembered in which case we decided to let it's/its keep its apostrophe.

So really grammar nazis, fuck you.

Why you should read my blog

My blog loves America. It once single-handedly pulled saved a bus full of orphans from Kim Jong Il on 9/11. My blog loves America so much that if you don't read my blog you hate America, which is good because I don't want any America haters reading my blog.

It's the Chronic! What? Cles of Narnia

The Chronicles of Narnia could have been a lot better if they had been more upfront about the Christian analogy. Just have Aslan eat a gay person or something.

Going Dutch

So when I was in high school I was talking to one of my friends. I asked her about her plans and she said she was "Going Dutch." I immediately asked if there was a Dutch food place nearby. Apparently, going Dutch means paying for your own bill. Seems like a pretty bad stereotype for the Dutch. I figured it was more of a jew thing myself.

Thing to say when someone tells you to do something

You can't tell me what to do. You're not my real dad*.

*Does not work on your real dad.